[Apologies for the delay.  Holiday weekend!]

Way back in 1947 doctor Claude Beck of Western Reserve University School of Medicine, in Cleveland was the first person to successfully resuscitate a patient through defibrillation.  Using a machine like the one pictured.

In this first case the heart of a 14-year old boy stopped while undergoing open-chest surgery.  In other words, he died.  Beck, who we can only assume was giggling like a school-girl at the chance to use his un-christened  zap-box, was able to restore normal sinus rhythm with the application of electricity directly to the heart saving the boy’s life.

Does this mean that we are suggesting that anybody that’s been returned to life by medical science is actually a zombie?  Somebody that secretly desires to moan and eat brains?  Yes.  Yes we are.

One of the charms of Zombieland is the semi-anonymous world in which our hero, Columbus (his home town, not his name), lives in.  (In fact Bill Murray, playing himself, is the only character referred to by actual name.)  What makes this even more poignant is the fact that this was clearly not a reaction to the zombie apocalypse but just generally the way he rolled.  When his beautiful neighbor (Amber Heard) knocks on his door he refers to her only by her apartment number, “406”.

Frightened and in near panic 406 begs to be let in and comforted.  Ever the chivalrous romantic Columbus, interrupting another Friday night of World of Warcraft, does just that.  A crazed homeless man had attacked and attempted to bite her.  After calming her with Code Red Mountain Dew and (crisp) Golden Grahams they fall asleep in each other’s arms.  As Columbus tells us, “setting aside the feverous, homeless cannibal, I’m living the dream.”

Of course stories generally don’t have happy endings in Zombieland and he wakes to a bloated, vomiting, pustule-covered monster trying to take a bit or three out of him.  Although he attempts to reason with her he’s eventually forced to take drastic action and crush her skull with the toilet cover.  You know, like you do.

So we raise a glass in fond memory of 406.  She taught us that what is given can be taken and what is wanted isn’t always what is needed.  She was an early victim but an educational one.  Perhaps Columbus said it best: “You just can’t trust anyone.  The first time I let a girl into my life, she tries to eat me.”

If you saw that strange assortment of pixels over there and immediately experienced a minor, involuntary shudder then you probably also know that sticks and coal makes torches and if you ever hear hissing you should move your ass.  If you have no reaction whatsoever then you probably shouldn’t start nosing around this stuff unless you’d like to lose a significant chunk of your life to something that amounts to digital legos with spiders.

Zombies in Minecraft aren’t the most original enemies nor are they the nastiest ones.  Truth be told they’re rather easy to dispatch and those of us that have been playing for a while remember when we gleefully hunted them for feathers.  (Yes, killing zombies in Minecraft used to give you feathers.  No, there was no real sense to it.)  Now you can mow them down and collect a nice chunk of rotting meat which, if you’re hungry enough, you can eat.  Sure, you’ll get sick but it’ll keep you alive until you can slap a pork-chop out of a pig.  (Minecraft is hard to explain.)

So sure, they’re about as harmless as monsters can get but the real issue with zombie is that moan.  If it doesn’t send shivers down your spine then you’re not human.  It plugs directly into your brain’s “oh shit!” centers like almost nothing else can.  Here’s an experiment you can try: put a copy of the moan on your phone.  Now go to a place with a lot of people crammed together like a subway car or a crowded elevator.  Now play the sound.  Did you see anybody look really nervous for a second?  That person plays Minecraft!  If you’re really cruel you can also do this with the creeper noise but we warn you: people make get hurt when the Minecraft players instinctively run.

[Note that there will be spoilers here for season two of the The Walking Dead.  But if you’re here and reading this then I think we can assume that you’ve seen it.]

The second season of The Walking Dead took a lot of heat.  It was slow, it headed squarely into soap-opera territory and it didn’t make with the corpses like many fans wanted.  But oh lordy, lordy, that mid-season payoff.

The season focused heavily on two threads: Shane and Rick’s fight over control of the group and the search for poor, lost Sophia.  We watched Shane’s descent into madness and Carol’s emotional break as hope for her daughter faded collide into the frenzied massacre of the dead in the barn.

As the dust settled and the enormity of their actions began to sink into the survivors little Sophia shambles out.  As the group sits in shocked inaction Rick cements his leadership role by doing what needs to be done.

Zombie Sophia was the solid, unforgiving gut-punch that the series needed to find its footing again.  It was also a stark reminder to the fans: nobody was safe.  Forget what you thought you knew (this hit fans of the comics, where Sophia is still counted among the living years-on, especially hard).  If we can turn this cute little girl into a walker then anything can happen.

Kirkman, you terrible, glorious bastard, you.

The cemetery zombie, played by Bill Hinzman, is the first zombie we see in the 1968 classic “Night of the Living Dead“.  George Romero’s classic single-handedly defined the modern zombie genre while scaring the living crap out of audiences unprepared for it.

The cemetery zombie was doubly troubling being the resurrected corpse of an executed child-killer.  Escaping when his coffin was open to allow his victim’s family to confirm his death he  sets off the chain of events that throw our heroes, Barbara and Ben and the rest, together.

Sure cemetery zombie is quickly overshadowed by the rest of the horde but he’ll always have a special place in our hearts.  Even if he’d prefer to rip them out and feast on them still-beating.