More Nazi Zombies, this time defined as only The Urban Dictionary can do it. The dictionary has no less than eleven definitions for the term.
Sure, almost all of them are related to the nazi zombie game mode in “Call of Duty”, but that shouldn’t distract from the fact that the term is officially defined in perhaps the most unofficial way possible.
More Nazi Zombies.
Zombie Nazi cows this time.
I… don’t think anything else needs to be said.
More Nazi Zombies and more video games this week!
“Call of Duty” has featured a popular zombie survival mode in all of it’s “Black Ops” titles. If you and a group of friends can survive steadily increasing numbers of more and more powerful zombies you get to… fight more zombies!
Ain’t that what them vidya games are all about, really? Doing something to get to do more of something?
As we continue with our holiday theme of Nazi Zombies (because, why not?) we stay in the world of video games because there are apparently a lot of Nazi Zombies that need to be taken care of in here.
One of the purest example of this is the “Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army” franchise, a popular offshoot of the “Sniper Elite” series. This game see a desperate – or maybe just bored – Hitler releasing a horde of undead soldiers on the world. You must use your super-sniper-skills to… shoot them from far away.
It really is more exciting than it sounds. If you’d like to blow the heads of nazi zombies yourself, you can get both games for $12.50 on Steam for the holidays.
Continuing our end-of-year celebration of nazi zombies, we move into the world of video games (where most of our examples will be pulled). First up we have 2001’s “Return to Castle Wolfenstein”.
Here we have All-American super soldier B.J. Blazkowicz single-handedly infiltrating the secret labs of the dreaded SS Paranormal Division. There’s twisted monster experiments, steam-punkish cyborg terrors and, when the story finally takes us to the crypts of Castle Wolfenstein itself, hordes of the undead!
The game may be dated, but was a hell of a ride a few years ago. If you feel like heading down memory lane, it’s only $5 on Steam.
For some reason Nazis and Zombies go together incredibly well; like peanut butter and bananas, macaroni and cheese or toddlers and snot. It just seems so right, almost proper, for a rotting, shambling, carnivorous corpse to also be flashing a swastika, doesn’t it?
So, for the entire month of December (and possibly longer) we’ll be celebrating our favorite Nazi Zombies. Because isn’t the true meaning of Christmas making things easy on yourself and half-assing things?
First up are those wacky, mixed-up goof-balls from 2009’s often overlooked Norwegian masterpiece, “Dead Snow“. These crazy guys stole a bunch of gold while committing terrible atrocities and are now cursed to a half-life of pain and suffering whenever their treasure is disturbed.
This movie was a pick for the very first “Boiled Eggs and Brain Eaters” Easter marathons and our favorite movie that year. It’s clever and funny, the effects are great and gory and the story is crisp and fresh. For some reason gore splattered across bright, white snow is much more effective than barely seeing it in a cramped, dark close-up.
Have any zombie Nazis or Nazi zombies to bring to our attention? Let us know!
I submit that it’s reasonably impossible to differentiate between a horde of cannibalistic, mentally regressed, shambling monsters trying to claw their way into a shopping mall defended by a small group of horrified humans in fear for their lives and zombies. This photo, for example, is from a collection that Business Insider put together.
Go ahead, try and tell the difference.
It seems unlikely that you would have missed the amazing, life-changing interview that T Magazine’s Su Wu did, “Jaden and Willow Smith on Prana Energy, Time and Why School is Overrated“. The entire piece is a stunning example of the brain damage that can occur through moderate zombification.
While most zombies devolve to base grunting and animalistic growls there are, apparently, rare cases where the ability to form words, or even sentences, remain intact. These words, obviously, mean absolutely nothing intelligible are simply the last, desperate firing of rotting neurons.
Often the the victims will appear to be responding to you directly. For example, if you mention “Time”, you’ll likely get gibberish that seems related to it. However this is a dangerous assumption as these zombies remain as intellectually oblivious as any other:
Willow: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.
Jaden: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. […] But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.
Willow: Because living.
Sometimes the vocalizations seem to mimic normal, or even higher, intelligence or indicate understanding of complex ideas. Rest assured this is an illusion:
Willow: And the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made.
Jaden: [bursts into laughter] As soon as me and Willow started releasing music, that’s one thing that the whole world took away is, okay, they unlocked another step of honesty. If these guys can be honest about everything, then we can be more honest.
In most cases, however, it’s clear that everything being generated is nothing but valueless gibberish:
Jaden: When babies are born, their soft spots bump: It has, like, a heartbeat in it. That’s because energy is coming through their body, up and down.
Willow: Prana energy.
Jaden: It’s prana energy because they still breathe through their stomach. They remember. Babies remember.
Or:
Willow: That’s what I do with novels. There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.
Or:
Willow: Me and Jaden just figured out that our voices sound like chocolate together. As good as chocolate tastes, it sounds that good.
It cannot be stressed enough: despite their superficial differences these creatures are zombies and remain incredibly dangerous. Do not engage or listen to them! They will, as is normal for all their kind, rip open your skull and consume your brains at their first oppurtunity!
The folks that work at the CDC really don’t have many opportunities to cut loose and be scamps. There’s only so many “hey, what’s that white powder?” gags that you can pull before you’re incarcerated. (Specifically, that number is one. Please don’t do that.) So when the gang down at the deadly disease dungeon wants to have some fun they don’t have a lot of options, but they do have a lot of toys. That’s why this week at SC14, the conference for supercomputing, the CDC will be presenting detailed information about a fake zombie outbreak.
The session, ” HPC: A Matter of Life or Death“, will use a fictitious zombie outbreak in West Africa – because apparently zombies are less scary than Ebola, to demonstrate how High Performance Computing can be used to manage and respond to epidemic outbreaks. Applications include:
I have to assume that point seven would be “hitting zombies with heavy computers after civilization has collapsed.” Maybe a brief discussion of how to fashion hard-drive platters into workable body armor.
In case you’re still catching up with “The Walking Dead” this is what might be called a “spoiler”. If you’re happily working through the past seasons and wondering how things work out with that nice old man on the farm… sorry.
He gets his head cut off with a sword by a megalomaniac.
Herschel’s decapitation is one of the most poignant moments in the entire series. It was also a bit of a reminder, if the Governor’s fish-tanks weren’t enough, that have to destroy the brain – not just remove it from the body – to truly put down the walking dead.
